In today’s world, many singles desire love, commitment, and marriage — yet many lack clarity on one of the most critical stages of a relationship: courtship. After engaging with numerous single men and women, it has become clear that many are unaware of what courtship truly means and why it matters. So let’s break it down simply, truthfully, and practically.

WHAT IS COURTSHIP?

Courtship is the intentional period between engagement and marriage, where two individuals have agreed to marry and are preparing for a lifelong commitment. It goes beyond just dating. At this stage:

• A proposal has been made and accepted.

• Commitment is mutual and clearly stated.

• Both families are aware and involved.

• The couple is working toward building a solid foundation for marriage.

 

In short: Courtship is not trial dating. It’s purposeful preparation for marriage.

HOW LONG SHOULD COURTSHIP LAST?

There’s no strict rule, but generally:

• Minimum: 6 months

• Maximum: 2 years

 

This range gives enough time for meaningful conversations, planning, and understanding one another, without dragging the relationship into frustration or temptation.

 

However, some courtships may be longer due to:

• Distance

• Financial readiness

• Educational commitments

• Parental delays

• Health-related challenges

 

That said, extremely long courtships can lead to unnecessary pressure, frustration, and moral struggles, especially for Christians trying to maintain purity. Proceed with wisdom, not delay.

 

WHAT IS THE TRUE PURPOSE OF COURTSHIP?

 

The goal of courtship is to build clarity, unity, and understanding before saying “I do.” It’s about getting ready, spiritually, emotionally, financially, and practically, for the life ahead.

 

Here are key areas to explore during courtship:

1. Meet each other’s families

2. Visit and understand each other’s living arrangements

3. Learn about each other’s career paths and future plans

4. Talk about your spiritual lives and personal beliefs

5. Discuss finances, debt, income, and spending habits

6. Talk about children – how many you want, and how to raise them

7. Talk about educational goals and how they affect your plans

8. Plan your wedding together – style, size, and budget

9. Pray together and grow spiritually

10. Talk about in-laws and extended family expectations

11. Share your values, goals, and life vision

12. Reveal major life facts (e.g., health issues, love child, past mistakes, etc.) honestly

 

Remember: Honesty is a gift, not a weakness. If you have a condition, a financial burden, or a difficult past, be open. The right person will love you for who you are — not reject you for being honest.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO DURING COURTSHIP

• Pray and grow spiritually together

• Communicate regularly and clearly

• Build emotional and intellectual intimacy

• Encourage and support one another’s dreams

• Read books and attend marriage seminars

• Seek premarital counseling from a qualified mentor or coach

• Discuss sensitive issues (health, sex expectations, finances) with maturity

• Establish friendship and deep connection

• Plan your wedding and future life intentionally

 

Courtship is the time to build, not to perform. Be real, be intentional, be honest.

WHAT YOU MUST AVOID DURING COURTSHIP

 

This is where many fall. Courtship is not a license for behavior reserved for marriage. Here’s what not to do:

• ❌ No premarital sex

• ❌ No sexually explicit chats or sexting

• ❌ No living together or sleeping in the same bed

• ❌ No sending or requesting nude pictures

• ❌ No intense physical intimacy (French kissing, fondling, caressing, etc.)

 

These boundaries are not about old-fashioned rules — they protect your heart, mind, body, and spirit. Sexual compromise before marriage clouds judgment and damages trust.

 

WHEN TO WALK AWAY FROM A COURTSHIP

Not every courtship ends in marriage — and that’s okay. Ending a courtship is not failure; sometimes, it’s protection. A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.

Here are signs you may need to let go:

• You no longer trust each other

• Commitment is one-sided or fading

• There’s frequent lying, cheating, or manipulation

• Communication is poor and unresolved conflict continues

• You feel persistent fear, anxiety, or lack of peace

• Your values, life goals, or beliefs are incompatible

• You’ve prayed and feel God is not giving you the green light

 

Letting go is hard, but marriage is for life. Don’t walk into a lifetime of pain just to avoid a short season of heartbreak.

FINAL THOUGHTS

 

Courtship is a sacred season. Handle it with reverence, wisdom, and intention.

• Marry someone who shares your values, not just your vibes.

• Don’t ignore red flags. Don’t suppress your instincts.

• Discuss everything — from the spiritual to the financial, from goals to intimacy expectations.

• Allow God, peace, and purpose to guide your steps.

 

You don’t “fall” into marriage; you walk into it with eyes wide open. Choose wisely.

 

“To whom brain is given, sense is expected.”

 

May your courtship lead to joy, peace, and a purposeful marriage.