1. Remember it is not what you say but how you say it

2. Before you give your spouse your opinion, request for your spouse's opinion on the matter. This makes discussing any topic easier

3. When you two are not in good terms as husband and wife, at least talk to each other as friends

4. Respect is a two way street. Respect your spouse as you expect your spouse to respect you

5. Don't react to your spouse, respond instead. If you react, when your spouse does wrong, you will do wrong back; but when you respond, you will do what is best for your marriage even when your spouse does wrong

6. Communication is not just in the words you speak, but your body language and your facial expression. You could be giving your spouse cold vibes and pushing him/her away

7. Choose the right time and setting to talk about difficult subjects. Not everytime is a good time to talk about heavy things

8. But also, don't avoid talking about difficult topics. Piled up issues morph into complicated issues. Create time 

9. One of the greatest killers of communication in marriage is silent treatment, it solves nothing and only pushes you two apart

10. The more your spouse feels you listen to him/her, the more your spouse will enjoy talking with you. Remember it is not just about your feelings and comfort

11. Appreciating your spouse makes communication sweeter. Be a thankful spouse

12. You cannot have a marriage without good communication. Protect communication at all cost

13. When you don't see issues as an emergency, it will lessen their power and damage to your marriage. Relax. Panic can easily lead to frustration and wrong words and actions. Marriage is long term, calm down, you will figure things out eventually 

14. If you don’t have anything good or kind to say to your spouse, hold your tongue till your anger and feelings settle. Let your speech be well-seasoned

© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde